How To Fix A Dead Bedroom

Recognizing when you’re stuck in a rut and making an effort to try something new to fix your dead bedroom can really bring a new burst of life into your bedroom.

Published May 11 2021 6 min read

As days, months, and years go on, butterflies turn into to-do lists, and a relationship can grow into a routine. Whether it’s because of work, obligations, or children, life gets overwhelming and busy and your sex life takes the hit. How do you tackle this problem head on and fix a dead bedroom?

  • What is a dead bedroom?
  • Common reasons you might be experiencing a dead bedroom
  • How to fix a dead bedroom

  • What is a dead bedroom? 

    “Dead bedroom” is a term that has been thrown around all over social media the last few years and no it doesn’t mean a cluttered bedroom (although that certainly doesn’t help). Rather a dead bedroom is the flat-lining of a sexual relationship with your partner, which can leave you feeling frustrated, underappreciated, and resentful. You and your partner may be having no sex or end up having a lot less sex than you were used to having. 

    For some relationships, especially during the honeymoon phase, sex is an integral part of the relationship and although it is natural for your libido to wax and wane throughout a relationship, a severe and constant disinterest in sex can tear relationships apart. This flat-lining can occur for numerous reasons and is how your sexual relationship has veered from the previous norm. Some couple’s version of a drought might be three times a week whilst for others, it could be twice a year. The only version to compare your relationship to is your own relationship. Ignore anyone who tells you just how many times you should be having sex to maintain a healthy relationship.

    A dead bedroom can have a broader impact on the wider relationship as frustrations come to the surface and you find yourself taking out those frustrations generally. Equally, these bedroom problems may be relationship problems manifesting themselves. The best way to face up to the dead bedroom is to understand exactly what is causing you to feel like this. 

     

    Common reasons you might be experiencing a dead bedroom

    how to fix you dead bedroom

    Stress

    Long-term stress can have a very negative impact on your relationship and your libido - the high levels of cortisol inhibits testosterone production which can cause a low sex drive in men. Being under high levels of stress can make you feel preoccupied - and where you should be spending time with your partner you find yourself instead in your own head and very vacant. This can cause problems and rifts in the relationship, fix this dead bedroom problem through communication and addressing what is causing you stress. 

    Body Changes

    As we age our bodies change, from hormone levels to physical appearance - these can have a great effect on what our bodies feel and how we perceive ourselves. Menopause has a whole host of changes and as you adjust to the hormone changes to the vaginal dryness you might not be feeling yourself as much as you once were. This can then seep into our relationship - as we get frustrated with our sensuality, we feel less sexual and thus enter the dreaded dead bedroom. For people with penises, erectile dysfunction becomes more prevalent with age, which can lead to sexual performance anxiety and make it difficult to feel sexy in the bedroom.

    Kids

    Finding a moment for you and your partner when you have kids can be difficult, with the ever-growing list of things to do, you might not feel like sneaking off to get busy. Although it’s difficult to make a plan when they are hanging off your legs, there are various ways to spice things up when you have kids and fit sex into a busy schedule.

    Different sex drives

    Not all people were made the same and sex drives between couples can differ enormously. When one partner has a low sex drive resulting in less sex, the other partner may end up feeling rejected and undesirable, causing a bigger schism between them and leading to even less sex. Communication is key in these circumstances to understand what each partner needs and learning how to navigate sex drive differences to find a compromise that works for both partners.

    Stuck in a comfort-zone

    Once the honeymoon period wears off, it’s normal for long-term relationships to become staler and for partners to put less effort into making things more exciting. Sexy date nights turn into lounging in front of the TV and where you used to glam up and make an effort to look good, you’ve gotten comfortable not putting in as much effort. Recognizing when you’re stuck in a rut and making an effort to try something new to fix your dead bedroom can really bring a new burst of life into your bedroom.

    Unresolved arguments

    From the small annoyances to the full blown arguments, leaving even the littlest things unresolved can lead to bottling things up and creating an intimacy gap between you and your partner and lead to less sex. Communicating your feelings in a respectful way and understanding each other so you can resolve any underlying issues that are keeping you apart can help bring you closer together and lead to greater intimacy than before. 

    There are thousands upon thousands of reasons for a dead bedroom with a whole subreddit devoted to it and over 200,000 members for /r/DeadBedrooms. You will realize just how varied people’s answers are and realize you aren’t alone!

     

    How to fix a dead bedroom

    Whether the reasons for your dead bedroom are one of the most common or something entirely unique we have a few tips to help you move forward and revive your dead bedroom. Different things might work for your relationship but first things first: make a plan. After all, how are you going to change the relationship for the better without a solid plan of action?

    Communication

    You might feel things have changed but your partner might be blissfully unaware. Sometimes we like to bury our heads in the sand when it comes to our relationship and sexual problems - and if you aren’t communicating how are they supposed to know? Start the conversation with your partner to understand what’s holding you both back and what you both need to reignite that spark. 

    Daily affection

    Has it felt like forever since you had your handheld? What about a kiss on the forehead? A gentle stroke of the leg? Small acts of affection can help you reconnect when times are tough - so a good place to start is by giving a small amount of affection daily. This can be whatever works for you - it could be a cup of coffee in bed or a longing kiss. Discuss with your partner how you want to incorporate more affection into your relationship and watch this be the spark that reignites the fire of passion.

    Kiss

    Who doesn’t love a smooch with the one they love - but too often long-term relationships stop kissing there is no wonder so many couples experience a dead bedroom. Try kissing your way back to passion and setting a goal of how many times to kiss throughout the week. Spend a little longer than 5 seconds on kissing. 

    Explore intimacy as a whole

    Fix your dead bedroom by improving emotional intimacy, this can bring you and your partner closer leading to a more satisfying sex life. Intimacy doesn’t just refer to sex, so try exploring intimacy in other ways and try something new to bring the fun and closeness back into the relationship. What about a spicy date night idea, sexy games or a sensual massage

    Sex toys

    Reignite your dead bedroom by adding in an extra special something. From the sexual tension of picking your perfect sex toy to the anticipation of waiting for the sex toy to arrive, the whole experience can bring a lot of excitement to your sex life. Experimenting and playing with your partner and your new sex toy can help uncover spine-tingling sensations and bring a new oomph to your sex life. Sex toys aren’t a quick solution to your dead bedroom but they can certainly help you spice up the bedroom.

    Schedule sex

    As unsexy as it is scheduling intimacy and putting in effort are the best ways to maintain or reignite passion. Society has taught us that passion is spontaneous and low maintenance - but from all the marriages that suffer from a dead bedroom, we can assure you that’s not the case. Fitting sex into a busy schedule can be difficult but it can be a great way to reconnect and stay distraction-free for the few hours of the date.

    A dead bedroom doesn’t have to signal the end of your relationship or sex life but instead fix your dead bedroom by re-evaluating how you make time for each other.


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    Ed, US
    Verified Customer
    Purchased a product that was not quite right for me personally. The team at MysteryVibe handled every aspect of the no hassle return smoothly, and efficiently. They are a model of how a company stands behind its promises regarding returns. Even though the product wasn't right for me, I still highly recommend MysteryVibe to anyone interested in their product lines because of their exemplary customer service!
    Tony, US
    Verified Customer
    Great product, really innovative and easy to use! I love using it by myself and also used it with my partner and it worked very well!
    Rachel, GB
    Verified Customer
    Kudos to the company for developing a product that can be used solo and by couples. My first experience was solo. Getting the Tenuto on does take some getting used to, but I quickly learned the best way. I used the phone app and I was amazed at the stimulation in so many different areas. I let the app cycle through the different patterns and used different intensities to get an idea of what was possible. My body responded as one might expect and time to climax was much sooner than I expected. Another indication of a great product. Looking forward to trying this with my partner.
    rf, US
    Verified Customer
    Was a great experience, start to finish, and highly recommend for anyone else looking to spice things up a little.
    Mohsen, GB
    Verified Customer
    App is straight forward and offers some interesting options and functionality. I have received multiple updates from the company since I installed it. I am sure it will continue to improve over time but for now, it seems stable and reliable which is important to me.
    Pauline, GB
    Verified Customer
    Excellent customer service. Quality products.
    Victor, US
    Verified Customer
    Can't say enough about how great this company and product are. Don't walk, run to their website and super charge your sex life!
    Pamela, US
    Verified Customer
    Crescendo, such great product. It is very comfy to use and it fits perfectly. I recommend it 100%
    Patricia, ES
    Verified Customer
    Endless possibilities! Imagination and sexual wellness combined!
    Sigi, MX
    Verified Customer
    Excellent … says it all.
    Andy, GB
    Verified Customer
    Sensational, as advertised.
    Gerald, US
    Verified Customer
    The best vibrator I've come across to this day.
    Kenneth, US
    Verified Customer
    Each folding part has it's own motor inside of it, so there aren't any dead-zones. The whole thing feels very alive. There's also a perfect amount of stickiness to the moving parts. A+
    Earl, US
    Verified Customer
    The product is fantastic....very durable and original.
    Timothy, US
    Verified Customer
    Amazing, forward-thinking tech that puts pleasure and communication first. Really impressed to see how technology can improve rather than replace intimacy. Just so much fun to use.
    Robbins, US
    Verified Customer
    I bought a product that did not work initially, and the customer support did an amazing job of giving directions on how to use it properly. It took a bit of time to figure out all the functions but now it's become an essential part of our bedroom. I'd 100% buy and support this company again.
    Charles, US
    Verified Customer
    Tenuto gave me the best hardon ever! Gave the application to the missus and she drove me wild by edging and edging till I simply needed to snatch the telephone back and detonate!
    Shirley, US
    Verified Customer
    A product like no other. Its a piece of art that can deliver a great deal of fun while also helping with health issues. Beautifully designed, its the Rolls Royce of vibrators.
    Ben, GB
    Verified Customer
    I was very impressed with the response time in regards to my reporting a problem. In addition, it was escalated to the CTO which in my world is to the very top. We had a meaningful dialogue via email and am things got sorted out. It seems to have been user error and not machine or software issue. Terrific company.
    Tom, US
    Verified Customer
    Amazing, forward-thinking tech that puts people and communication first. Really impressed to see how technology can improve rather than replace intimacy.
    Michael, US
    Verified Customer
    Amazing :D It is very different from all the other products out there and I was really surprised how good it is. Definitely worth the money.
    Sandra, GB
    Verified Customer
    I've worn the Tenuto and experienced fabulous climaxes. It might turn out to be a daily use thing for me.
    Scott, US
    Verified Customer
    I received the shipment very quickly and the packaging/boxing was excellent. I had an issue and wrote to them. This company's customer service is fantastic. Quick response, immediate resolution of my issue, and courteous as well. I haven't experienced this kind of customer-oriented service very often for a long time. Kudos to the company and their awesome customer service team!
    Vera, US
    Verified Customer
    Extraordinary application! Truly like the straightforwardness, excellence in effortlessness for sure
    Tony, US
    Verified Customer
    As an engineer, I am extremely impressed with the True craftsmanship in all their products.
    Allen, US
    Verified Customer
    It's very cool and the app makes it smooth for my partner to use it on me whenever wherever he want.
    Humberto, VE
    Verified Customer
    Fantastic company for sexual health, great products. I have found that this company seems to carefully listen to their customers and thoughtfully responds to their emails. Keep up the good work
    Hannah, GB
    Verified Customer
    Love Crescendo - so bendy and versatile and application makes it significantly increasingly adjustable!
    Susan, US
    Verified Customer
    Good quality item and swift delivery. Wife seems pleased to say the least.
    Kieran, GB
    Verified Customer
    I received the Crescendo as a gift, and let me tell you ... I bless that person every day! The product taught me about self-care way more than I ever expected! It is versatile and allows you to explore different angles to suit your body exactly!
    Masha, PT
    Verified Customer
    Crescendo works well as a prostate massager. The lock feature enables you to set it and forget it. It's flexible and vibrates from one end to the other. I like the length and thickness. I recommend it to friends.
    Dennis, US
    Verified Customer
    I cherished the product at any rate and the application makes it significantly cooler!
    Martha, US
    Verified Customer
    High-quality product that delivers on its promises!
    Michael, US
    Verified Customer
    I received Tenuto 2 as gift and was skeptical to use at first. Once I got over the fear and used it, I really noticed a difference and now use it everytime I have sex. 11/10
    Conor, GB
    Verified Customer
    I love the devices, thank you so much
    Karma, BE
    Verified Customer
    The company has been fantastic in communicating with me and helping solve any issues I had. They are very responsive
    Seatt, US
    Verified Customer
    Excellent products, i got myself a Crescendo and I am absolutely astonished for how fabulous it is. And then the staff at Mystery Vibe is absolutely kind and efficient!
    Miss, IT
    Verified Customer
    Kudos to the company for developing a product for ED that can be used solo and with your partner. My first experience was solo. Getting the Tenuto on does take some getting used to, but I quickly learned the best way. I was amazed at the stimulation in so many different areas. My body responded as one might expect and time it took me to climax was much sooner than I expected. Another indication of a great product. Looking forward to trying this with my partner.
    Scott, US
    Verified Customer
    I contacted customer service with a health question I had related to my new purchase. They responded very quickly and addressed answered all my questions. In this day and age this type of customer service is rarely seen I am extremely satisfied and I fully recommend this company to anyone thinking about making a purchase
    Steve, US
    Verified Customer
    I purchased the Tenuto (the first one) about 2 years ago. It worked fine so recently when the Tenuto 2 came out I got that one. This version of Tenuto has the same dimensions but more powerful vibrations, so I was very pleased. There is no other device like it on the market and I am glad to have the new one. Many thanks!
    Ken, CA
    Verified Customer
    Great customer service! I would recommend this company just on the customer service experience. Their products seem very well made, but the one my husband purchased was too small. The issue was resolved with the company in a very timely manner.
    KT, US
    Verified Customer
    Great App, this is substantially better than all the other ones I have tried before! Especially love the ability to live control each vibration motor.
    Ruth, US
    Verified Customer
    Finally got my Tenuto, felt like a kid on xmas day. Lovely packaging and instruction sheet about device. I have tried it for 'fit' and after a bit of reorganising my bits it looks and feels comfortable. Wow is my first word for my first time trying it...Very good feelings....! :-)
    Richard, GB
    Verified Customer
    I can honestly say that in a fairly short period of time using the Tenuto it is a legitimate product that has exceeded my expectations. Great Job! The sensation each individual motor provides is one of the unique features that I feel separates it from other male devices. Until now I have been disappointed with the other products for men and questioned if a similar stimulation was achievable in men like it is with women.
    Cooley, US
    Verified Customer
    Unreal product and service. Best.
    James, GB
    Verified Customer
    Love the application. Bring back recollections of my game controllers!
    Melissa, US
    Verified Customer
    I love the products. Always a pleasure to use them, the quality, the look and feel, design - everything is top level!
    Varya, AR
    Verified Customer
    The crescendo 2 is such a great device for my wife...these products are extremely well made and designed to help with intimacy and I hope that anyone who tries the products has success and many years of use..thank you
    John, US
    Verified Customer
    What a wonderful company. Not only are their products great, their customer service goes above and beyond. My husband bought me the Crescendo almost 2 years ago. It's one of the best vibrators I have ever used. Love using it with my husband so much, I ordered the Tenuto as a Christmas gift for him. I recently lost the charging pad for my Crescendo. I couldn't find a replacement on the website. So I emailed the company to buy a replacement. They responded the same day and are sending me a new charger free of charge. Best ever!
    Tracy , US
    Verified Customer
    I bought crescendo 2 - highly recommend, high quality product, great customer service and delivery on time! I have also bought poco, can't wait to try!
    Billie, GB
    Verified Customer
    Thank you for such an amazing product. I'm super happy with the Tenuto and it is really comfortable to use. I was intrigued about creating a unique vibration pattern for myself and love discovering new patterns using the app!
    Noah, US
    Verified Customer
    Everything about the company is upfront and professional. Customer service is exceptional. It's clear they care about the experiences people have with their products, between the quality of the products themselves to the very helpful information on the website and included with the products to customer support, this company shines.
    Dominique, US
    Verified Customer
    Amazing product, looks like it was custom designed to fit my body. Very comfortable, perfect features, adjustable to my specific needs. Very convenient, you can take it anywhere! Is very discreet, ppl honestly will ask if is a remote control. So you can keep your privacy. Battery lasts very long so I couldn't ne more happier. Helps me a lot to improve my confidence. Highly recommended
    Tayanra, GB
    Verified Customer
    I reached out after my delivery was 2 days past and was saddened to learn my order was lost in route, but Customer Support made quick work of righting the situation! Literally took less than 5 minutes to send the email and they were exceedingly prompt in getting back to me. Replacement order sent free of charge. Great service.
    Cosemu, US
    Verified Customer
    Received a fast response on my first post and changed it to excellent, seems there was a mix up.
    kulig, US
    Verified Customer
    As with most organizations, what makes a "difference" is the customer service. These people excel at customer service!. They go the"extra mile"! They take the extra step! They follow up in a timely fashion! And they "Make it Right"! I have not seen this type of response in other companies.
    Roemer, US
    Verified Customer
    Apparently, there was a glitch in the shipping software which caused the holdup of the order processing unbeknownst to the company. The company was very apologetic and resolved immediately by their CEO! Five stars for their prompt resolution.
    Thomas, US
    Verified Customer
    Really positive experience from my product. Also the only email newsletter I actually read. Such an important message to explore.
    David, GB
    Verified Customer
    The product is more than expected. Recommended for all!
    DH, US
    Verified Customer
    I always have a hard time getting my knee to relax when it's flared up and wrapping the Crescendo around my knee with a gentle vibration has really helped. And having the app makes using it so much easier so I can just lie back and adjust the power remotely. This is a total life saver, especially in the winter.
    Ximen, US
    Verified Customer
    Surprised at the how powerful the vibrations are for something so compact and slick! Love it!
    Tim, GB
    Verified Customer
    Crescendo is a great product and a great company. My wife and I love Crescendo and have derived many hours of pleasure from it. It is one of my wife's favorites! Recently our Crescendo stopped working. The customer service team were so kind and helpful with getting our Crescendo replaced. In spite of the fact that it had been over 2 years since our purchase they stood behind their product and quickly and easily got us a replacement. Aside from just being great with the replacement there was a real warmth and appreciation of us as customers during the process.
    Jeremy, US
    Verified Customer
    Excellent product, we love it so much. Thanks
    Anna, GB
    Verified Customer
    Simply the best tool to rebuild love. High-quality product that delivers on its promises!
    Noelia, US
    Verified Customer
    This is a reputable company producing high quality products. If you have an interest, don't hesitate trying their products.
    MB, US
    Verified Customer
    Wow. This was a one of a kind experience. I highly recommend using these products.
    Sherif, US
    Verified Customer
    After learning an earlier model first generation unit no longer had a charger I needed to replace my model. They simply gave me a free new device of my choosing with sincere apologies they couldn't assist my initial request since they no longer make that product. There was nothing technically wrong with my first unit, just I had lost the charger. The new package arrived and again the style, design, functionality, feel, and power is incredible. Many thanks! You are the best at this game!
    CS, US
    Verified Customer
    Excellent customer service! They were extremely responsive and took care of my issue the same day!
    Larry, US
    Verified Customer