How To Be A Better Metamour In Polyamorous Relationships

Dealing with your partner’s other partners can sometimes be a little tricky. Here are some tips to keep the love going in a polyamorous relationship. Read on!

Published Aug 21 2023 3 min read

The world of relationships is a complex labyrinth of emotions, expectations, and etiquettes, and when you're in a polyamorous relationship, you may have the added layer of the metamour dynamic. A metamour is your partner’s other partner. For example, if you have a girlfriend and she has another boyfriend, that boyfriend would be your metamour.  

Navigating this dynamic can be tricky for some, but with openness, communication, and respect, you can become a better metamour and support your partner's other relationships. Firstly, it's essential to underline that every relationship is unique and requires different kinds of support. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to being a good metamour. However, the following tips can serve as a starting point to help you move forward in your relationship successfully.  

1. Understand and respect boundaries

In any relationship, understanding and respecting boundaries is crucial. However, in a polyamorous relationship, the boundaries might be a bit more complex since there are more than two people involved. It's important to communicate openly with your partner and your metamour about what each person's boundaries are. This may include time spent together and with the metamour, shared responsibilities, and how much you know about each other's relationships.   

2. Practice open communication 

As with any relationship, communication is key. This is even more true in a polyamorous relationship. Make sure to communicate openly and honestly with both your partner and your metamour. If you have concerns or feelings of jealousy, it's important to voice these in a respectful and constructive manner. Don’t let resentment build up, as this can lead to conflict and misunderstandings.  

3. Show empathy and understanding

It's crucial to show empathy and understanding towards your metamour. Remember, they're in the same boat as you—they love your shared partner and want to maintain a healthy relationship. So, be understanding if they're feeling insecure or if they're having a tough time. Showing empathy can help to build a strong bond between you and your metamour. 

4. Build a relationship with your metamour 

You don't have to be best friends with your metamour, but having a cordial relationship with them can make things a lot easier. Try spending some time with your metamour, getting to know them as an individual. This can help to reduce feelings of jealousy or competition, as you'll be able to see them as a person—not just as your partner's other partner. 

5. Celebrate their relationship

Finally, it's important to celebrate your partner's other relationships. Be happy for your partner when things are going well in their other relationships. This should be a two-way street—your partner should also be supportive and celebratory of your other relationships. This kind of positive reinforcement can help to maintain a healthy and happy polyamorous dynamic.  


Ultimately, being a metamour is not about winning; it's about co-existing harmoniously. It's about creating a space where everyone feels valued, respected, and loved. This not only benefits you and your metamour, but also your shared partner—and the entire polyamorous relationship. After all, polyamory is all about love and relationships—and the more love and support there is to go around, the better. 

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