10 Tips For Intimacy When You're Struggling To Connect With Your Partner

Are you struggling to connect and be intimate with your partner? Try these creative tips to increase your overall intimacy and sense of connection to one another. 

Published Apr 16 2020 8 min read

Are you struggling to connect and be intimate with your partner? Sometimes, despite our best efforts, being close together seems to create more distance. Whether you’re together often or struggling to find time for each other, you’re likely also trying to balance your career, responsibilities, childcare, and the cherry on top--your sex life. That balancing act alone is stress-inducing enough to sabotage your sex life.

Luckily, intimacy isn't just about sex! There are other creative ways to connect with each other, despite your unique situation or daily stressors. You may find yourself feeling considerably closer to your partner--and in many cases, that translates to increased sex drive. In others, it can decrease your overall stress levels and help make your relationship stronger, even in a difficult time. Try some of these tips to increase your overall intimacy and sense of connection to one another.

1. Shower together. 

Showering might seem like a mundane part of your morning routine, or something stressful - especially when combined with getting dressed, fixing your hair, or doing your makeup. However, this simple hygienic task can turn into a steamy opportunity to connect. Instead of hopping into the shower separately, get in together. Turn up the heat as you help each other get clean. Wash your partner's hair or back for them, maybe add kisses to the neck nape. Allow them to do the same for you, adding their own unique flourishes. Those simple steps can help you feel substantially more connected and intimate.

2. Have a long bath together.

couple bath

Getting in the bath doesn't have to be about getting clean. In fact, it can be more about getting intimate and relaxing together. Use some of your most luxurious bath products: the bath bomb you've been saving for a special occasion or the bubble bath that you usually reserve for those endless days at work when you feel like nothing is going right. Then, lean back and relax together. It's a great chance to let the water wash over you, chat about the things that are bothering you, and reconnect away from the stresses of the world. If you are feeling a little sexy, you can also bring Crescendo 2 into the bathtub with you for added intimate fun.

3. Give each other a relaxing body massage. 

Chances are, you and your partner are both carrying quite a bit of tension in your bodies. Help your partner relieve some of that tension--and many of the aches and pains that go along with it--with a long, sensual massage. Choose a high-quality massage oil, turn down the lights, and give your partner a full-body rubdown. A firm surface, like a table or the floor, can make it easier for you to move around your partner and deliver a great massage. Focus on the areas that bring your partner the most pleasure or work out the knots that have been plaguing him or her. You can chat while you work or simply focus on helping your partner relax. Later, once your partner has had a chance to enjoy that relaxation, ask them to return the favor.

Sometimes, an intimate massage will turn into sex--but go in without expectations! While a massage that turns into sex can be a lot of fun, a massage alone can help deepen the intimacy between you and your partner and help you feel more connected.

4. Have a long make-out session. 

Do you remember the early days of your relationship, when you couldn't get enough of one another? Those long kissing sessions or make-out sessions helped you feel highly connected to one another, releasing endorphins and increasing that sense of connection. Revisit some of those feelings with a long, intimate session with your partner. Don't pressure each other to take it further. Instead, take pleasure in the feeling of your partner's lips on yours and their skin under your hands. Let your hands wander where they will. Discover new ways to bring your partner pleasure or increase your desire, even if it doesn't translate immediately into sex.

5. Have a date night in. 

You might not be able to enjoy your regular date night out, but that doesn't mean you can't set aside special time just for your partner. Try having a date night in, instead! Get dressed up, open a bottle of wine, and have a nice dinner. If you want to keep it simple, order in or bring in takeout from one of your favorite restaurants. Set your phones to the side and talk and reconnect just like you would if you were out on a date together.

6. Watch a movie and cuddle.

couple watching movie

Curl up together on the couch with your favorite blanket and put in a movie you know both of you will enjoy. Whether you find something new that appeals to the two of you - or, you revisit an old favorite and let yourself get swept away into another world for a little while.

7. Send each other sweet texts.

Sure, you're already spending time together; but you'll often find that sending each other sweet messages is easier than saying those things out loud. Let your partner know how much you appreciate them or how much you admire them. Comment on how you enjoyed his muscles while doing yard work or how much you admire her dedication and focus. Those little compliments not only boost your partner's mood, but they can also help you remember why you love them. 

8. Don't forget to take care of yourself. 

Self-love is often the key to connecting with your partner. Stress can cause many people to disconnect from their own bodies or to stop taking care of themselves. Make sure you're taking care of yourself regardless of what is happening in your life! That could mean a long bath or shower, curling up with a book, or spending some time on a hobby that you enjoy--one that helps relieve stress and take you away from current events for a little while.

If your sex drive is high while your partner's seems to have dwindled, masturbation can help you satisfy those urges. On the other hand, if your sex drive is low, masturbation may seem like less effort than sex with your partner--and increased sexual stimulation can increase your sex drive so that you're more likely to be in the mood for your partner. You may also want to spend some time exploring with a vibrator like Crescendo 2 for women and Tenuto 2 for men.

9. Commit to trying something new together. 

If you're struggling to connect sexually, shake things up in the bedroom! Experiment with something new: something that, for example, you've always wanted to try but never quite had time for, or something that you've just never gotten around to including in the bedroom. Try a new type of lube.

Bring in a couples vibrator. Crescendo 2 and Tenuto 2 are both great choices for enhancing your pleasure and your partner's--and with so many settings and intensities to choose from, even if you already have those products in your bedroom, you may find a new way to use them! MysteryVibe's Playcards are a great way to find new sex positions or strategies to try - or a way to add a little mystery to your experience.

10. Schedule time for intimacy. 

It can be difficult to find time to connect with your partner. The kids may have an impeccable sense of timing, or you may note that the moment one of you is finished with a task and has a little free time, the other one is right in the middle of an important task.

Schedule time for each other. It doesn't have to be at the end of the day, right before you fall asleep--and in fact, by then, you may both be tired and worn down by the events of the day, instead of being ready to enjoy each other. Try different times of the day, and check out different parts of the house or apartment. Shut down your computers, turn off the television, and focus on each other.

If you have the opportunity, you might want to spend an entire day in bed together--but even if that's not an option, look for time that you can set aside just for the two of you. Don't rely on chance to make it happen, especially if you're struggling to connect with your partner already.

Not only is being intimate with your partner important for helping to build your connection, but sex and orgasms are also great for health and immunity. Orgasms offer a number of benefits from stimulating your brain and increasing blood flow to enhancing your immune system, countering pain, boosting confidence, and improving your overall quality of sleep. Intimacy with your partner can also help improve communication, which ultimately leads to better relationship quality, oh, and a better sex life.

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